Focusing on the Positive

No, I'm not going to rehash the last 24 hours. It's not worth it. Instead, I'm going to write about the outpouring of love and support I have received from family and friends.

Believe it or not, I always had trouble making close friends. I have two girlfriends that I grew up with that to this day I still consider my best friends. My church friends that I grew up with are also extremely important to me, even though I don't get to see them very often. I have my college friends, and my extended college friends known as my Worcester friends. I don't have many friends at work, save for a few, including one who I call my best friend I never see. And now I have the group that I call my "Twitter" friends, even though the majority of them I now actually KNOW in real life.

And then there is my family, which includes my immediate family, my extended family and my "not really" family, which includes people who have known me since I was born. Most of us are Greek. This means we are in each others business all the time. And that's the way it is and we all love it.

I have NEVER, EVER experienced a level of friendship and love than I have in the last few months. First, after a post I wrote in honor of Autism Awareness month, regarding my journey with my son. The second, was after a second blog post about a rough weekend I had. The last, and most touching, was after a personal attack.

Between Twitter, text messages and Facebook, I have seen the love that people have for Lex and I. From comments about how I'm a great mom to how people know that Lex is a wonderful little boy. I've been through a lot the past few years. I had some highs and lows. And boy, did I have my lows. But things are finally coming around. And I don't care what anyone else says, I could not have done it without support. Support from all of you.

I hope you know that I appreciate everything that you have done for me. It may have been something as simple as introduce me to geeky TV shows that you know I'd love, or telling me I'll never spend a birthday alone again. It could have been telling me that you won't feel bad for me because you know that there is nothing wrong with my son. It was you inviting me to a concert or a baseball game. Including me in your plans with other people. Taking a chance on a new friend. Having your son tell me that he thinks of Lex as a little brother. Asking about your godson. Telling me that you are proud of how good a mother I am. Sending me info about the newest Autism research, products and ideas for helping Lex. Donating to Autism causes in Lex's name or just supporting Autism research in general. Telling me that you are so glad we became friends. Letting me know every day how much you love me. And Lex.

This is only a short list. There is so much more. But I'll run out of room if I put it all down.

With all the negative in the last week, I decided that it was a waste of my time to dwell on it anymore. Negativity breeds negativity. I'm done with that. I'm focusing on the positive. And that positive is all of you. Thank you.

It's your loss. Not ours.

Not once.

Not twice.

But three times in two days.

That's how many times someone said something hurtful about Lex without being aware of who Lex is.

The first incident pretty much killed any fun I might have had at my home church's Greek festival this weekend. Lex was absolutely loving the rides at the festival. My kid has no fear. He went on anything he was tall enough to ride and was upset at those he wasn't allowed to go on. On one of the rides, a simple merry go round of cars and motorcycles, Lex chose to ride a cool bike. The operator of the ride came over and told him "No standing up and no dragging your feet." I quickly tried to reiterate these facts to Lex, knowing he may not have been paying attention. The ride started and Lex was loving it. In his excitement, he stood up, still tethered on, only 3 inches off the seat. I saw this and immediately yelled at him to sit down. I then walked over to the operator to tell him that Lex is autistic and may not understand the instructions, in order to make the operator understand that Lex wasn't purposely disobeying his request. I understand that Lex didn't follow the rules, but what happened next blew my mind. The operator said with obvious disdain "That's no excuse."

The second incident happened this morning in Ikea, which for some reason is Lex's absolute favorite store. I think it's because of the bright colors and open floor plan that welcomes trying out all the furniture. We were walking around the marketplace, so instead of running around, Lex was in the cart. Lex saw an elevator and wanted to go up it. I explained to him that there was a yellow tape across it which meant it was broken. In his little boy "my mommy can fix everything" voice, he said "So fix it!" I tried explaining that I couldn't and he got upset and started to have a meltdown. While I was trying to calm him down and explain, there was a couple behind me who were talking to each other in Greek. From the phrases I was able to interpret, I made out some not so nice things they were saying about Lex and myself. There is only one way to interpret "bad child". And the tone that everything was said in was absolutely like you would expect when badmouthing someone, but thinking they have no idea what you are saying. When I had finally had enough, I turned around, looked them square in the eye and said "Signomi?!" which in Greek means "excuse me". They were completely flustered and stalked off in the opposite direction.

The last episode happened tonight at dinner. This is my last day with Lex for a few days, as I'm off on a business trip tomorrow to Montreal, so I took him out to eat. We went to our favorite local restaurant where the waitresses all know us by face and name. Lex and I sat down, we talked about what we were going to eat, and we were both in good spirits. After we ordered and got our drinks, he asked me for the "push button" which is what he calls my iPod. I eagerly gave it to him, as I know that can keep him quiet and happy. I have it loaded with educational games, some fun Sesame Street videos and of course, lots of Thomas the Tank Engine episodes. At the table across from us, I hear a woman sitting with her husband comment about how I gave my son "some game to shut him up so I wouldn't have to deal with him." She went on to talk about me and my apparently appalling parenting skills. She also commented on how I was trying to get the Yankees game on the tv (the waitress gave me the remote because she knew I wanted to watch). At this point, I swear, I just about had it. I was ready to stand up and just start yelling. But believe it or not, I used Twitter as my outlet and cooler heads prevailed. Our food came and Lex ate like a champ, which doesn't always happen.

But this time, revenge was sweet. Another waitress came over, one of the owner's daughters, and said to me "I can't believe how big he is! And what a good boy he has been tonight! Way to eat all your food, Lex!!" I turned and looked DIRECTLY at the ignorant woman and said "Yeah, for an autistic kid, he's pretty awesome." I swear, her jaw dropped to the floor at my brazenly directed comment to her. Not 5 minutes later, she asked for the check and they were out the door, with half their food still on their plates.

So why did I write this, other than obviously needing to get it off my chest?

It's all about awareness, people.

My brother had some bracelets made and gave me one last night. It's a simple white bracelet. On the outside it says "Autism Awareness" and "Hope". On the inside, it has my son's name. Just be aware. Think before you comment on someone else's child. You may not know the whole story. And chances are, that other person heard you. If I was a weaker person, this could have sent me into hysterics. But the sad part is, it happens all the time. But don't be fooled, I hurt. Sometimes worse than I may let on. But that's why I don't hide my son's diagnosis. I try to educate where I can.

And as I tweeted my final words on Twitter on the subject, I will copy them here:

"It comes down to this. My kid is awesome in his own way. If you don't get to experience that, it's your loss. Not ours."

(A special thank you to those of you who supported me through these incidents. Your support meant more than you may know.)