One thing I've noticed in the past few years, especially since my son's autism diagnosis, is that I have come to rely on my friends more and more than I ever have. Many people did not realize that right around the time of my son's diagnosis, I also was going through a separation which then lead to divorce. Even less known was that I lost contact with some of my closest friends at this time, due to both of these events.
So here I was, venturing into a new phase of my life, pretty much on my own, with only my family and some old friends to support me. I was lucky enough to meet some new friends though within a short while and this was a very good thing for me, and have grown those friendships into ones that are near and dear to my heart to this day.
This made me stop and think. How can I help people be a better friend to me when it comes to Lex, since my life is a little, well, different? So here we go:
- Ask me about Autism. I once had a friend tell me "I don't know much about autism, can you tell me if there's anything I need to know before I meet him?" This touched me because that friend actually took the time to let me know that they wanted to make sure that they didn't do anything "wrong". Ask. I will be happy to answer any questions you have. No question is too simple or too complex. If I don't have the answer, there are websites I can direct you to that will help.
- Ask me about Lex. Ask anyone and they will tell you, I'm insanely in love with my son. I will brag about him from here to the moon. Every little improvement he makes, I would love to tell you about. Just listen. If you know me, I love to talk. I'm a New Yorker, remember?
- Invite us to things. One of the hardest things for me is that Lex doesn't have many friends outside of his daycare. Because both his father and I work, we don't socialize with the other parents in his preschool class and he doesn't get invited for playdates. Upon his diagnosis, I saw a quick decline in our inclusion in social events. Nothing hurts more than being excluded because people are afraid of something they don't understand, and especially when they take it out on a kid who has no idea that he's the one being punished.
- Don't assume or generalize. Many people think that Lex won't like something because they heard that autistic kids don't like that. That doesn't work because not all autistic children are the same. There is a autism spectrum and children can fall anywhere upon it, both on the low end and the high end. This means that they can be low or high functioning. Lex is actually on the low end of the spectrum which means he is high functioning.
- Please don't tell me you are sorry. I don't need your pity. I need your love and support. I'm proud of my son. The strides he has made with the challenges he has faced are pretty simply amazing.
- Be understanding if I don't see you often. I may not always have free time, but when I do, I love to live it up and get out. If you have spent any time with me, you definitely know this. But when I'm home with Lex, it's all about Lex. I like to plan fun things to do with him, but my motto is that if Lex is here, "it's always about Lex". I don't have a babysitter here in CT, so I spend a lot of time home in front of my computer at night, hence my Twitter "family".
I'm sure there is more, but for now, that's all I can think of. I love my friends and my family. You all mean the world to me. And maybe this will help me expand that world just a little bit more.
Lex and I welcome you to our world. And to put it simply - it rocks.
